Language Arts

Here, we have Idaho.

Photo courtesy visitidaho.org

It’s a great state, Idaho. We have a lot of this stuff:

Photo courtesy nas.er.usgs.gov

Photo courtesy idahopress.com

Photo courtesy justcabs.com 

Photo courtesy eastmans.com

Photo courtesy Forever Yours Photography

And we can't forget these. Lots and lots of these:

Photo courtesy ufseeds.com

Which is the reason everyone had a conniption when our state quarter turned out like this:

Photo courtesy statesymbolsusa.org

I know.

But were you aware, my fellow Americans, that Idaho has its very own language?

Idahoan is an eloquent, difficult language to master. It doesn’t just roll off of the tongue like German or Mandarin Chinese. No. Idahoan is the real deal. No Rosetta Stone $80-a-month learn-it-quick program complete with DVD/CD/smart phone ap/online lesson/interactive software can teach you these highly developed patterns of speech.

Thankfully for you, I am a born and bred Idahoan. Four + generations of my family have learned and developed the complexities of this language and drilled them into the deepest recesses of my subconscious. I am therefore more than qualified to teach you everything you need to know about the beautiful tongue. And I won’t even charge you – this time.

First off, there is no word too short to make shorter. Anything ending in ing should quite automatically become in’ without batting an eye. The letter d may also be omitted in many cases, perhaps most commonly in the word and (as in the phrase an’ stuff).

Second, the letter t is almost always an optional consonant. Words like hunting and forgot become huh-in’ and forgaw. Idahoans seldom bother to close their mouths when speaking such words. Why waste such valuable time? There are spuds to be dug.

One word you must certainly add to your vocabulary is gonna. You may not find this word in a dictionary, but that does not mean it isn’t a real word. It is a sophisticated abbreviation of the words going to and is yet another way to save time in speech. I’m gonna go to the store, Mom. Dad, that dog’s gonna get hit by a car. Son, I’m gonna take that gun away if you point it at your sister one more time.

And if you’d really like to tap into the deepest roots of the Idahoan language, you’re going to have to ignore correct grammar as it is defined in our current society. We were should always be said, we was. One should never use the common they saw, but always replace it with they seen. It’s quite simple, actually.

There are many other complexities of this language, some too deep for immediate understanding.  The articulate slang we use may take years to learn (potatoes are spuds or bakers, and are certainly never called po-ta-tohs).There are many more letters of the alphabet that become optional when used in certain contexts (the letter e is often removed or replaced with the letter i, as in the word tent (tint)). The diversity of the individual Idahoan’s voice inflections can be grueling to interpret. It takes time and dedication to truly become one with Idaho and the decadent wealth of her linguistics.

The French can keep their language of love. I speak Idahoan.