Unresolved

Ah, a fresh new year! It feels great, right? Have you all got your shiny new resolutions of losing weight, living in the moment, quitting smoking, and getting out of debt polished and sitting on your mantel so you can sheepishly hide them away in two weeks when you’ve given up?

I almost put mine out. Almost.

There are a million resolutions I could have chosen to start this here year of 2013. I am just as full of imperfections and problems as I’ve ever been. Usually, I make resolutions. Usually, I put mine up with bright lights, flags, and trumpets in the darkest corner of my basement for all (aka: me) to see. Usually, I am so busy thinking and writing resolutions down that I never actually get around to doing them (hence the reason I hide them in the basement in the first place). Usually, my resolutions list starts like this:

1. Be a better person
2. Be healthier
3. Be a better wife
4. Be a better mom
5. Be a better homemaker
6. Be a better daughter/sister/granddaughter/cousin/relative/whatever
7. Do more in my church callings
8. Learn new things (any number above 25 new things will do)

And then, after defining and specifying each category,

combing the net for inspiring blogs, Pinterest boards, and web articles,

breaking each category into multiple subcategories, 

defining and specifying each subcategory, 

listing [tentative] dates of completion, 

writing stepping stone goals for each,

and then lacing it all with good intentions, 

I end with this:

9. Simplify my life

I know. And then I subcategorize that one too.

I’ve tried not making resolutions. It doesn’t work. I write so many self-improvement lists, so often, that I eventually find myself titling some random page “New Year’s Resolutions,” and then my resolve to not make resolutions crumbles and, yet again, I am staring at a list of things I wish I already was.

So, as I am quite tired of my ring-around-the-rosie, never-accomplish-much resolutions, I have decided to make something called an “Un”-resolution.

What is an “Un”-resolution, you ask?

Well, I figure that in the past, I’ve always made resolutions to change myself, to do something new, to break a bad habit. And it doesn’t work very well for me.

So, what if I did the opposite of that? What if, instead of doing something to make myself a shining, wonderful example of all things beautiful, selfless, and healthy, I did something that could make me seem… worse?

That’s right. I’m gonna stick it to The Man (who is he anyway???) and drop the façade I have so carefully constructed over the years to make people love me. I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do this year. I’m going to do things that will make people wonder what the heck kind of crazy I really am. I’m going to do things that will make other people (particularly my mom) embarrassed for me. I’m gonna do things like… like… like lick the spoon from the cake batter in someone else’s kitchen and then put it back in and do it again.

If making an un-resolution sounds like something you’d like to try, I’ve got a few more ideas for you, just to get you started. Pick one. Or make up your own. But don’t subcategorize, don’t research, don’t make a list, and don’t think about it. Just do it.

Some ideas for “Un”-resolutions in 2013:

• Eat a cookie every day. Or a donut. Or chocolate. Or all three.
• Scream at the top of my lungs once a week for no good reason.
• Say “no” to whomever I please, whenever I really don’t want to do something.
• Spend money on whatever I want once a month (the catch - there has to be money to spend).
• Let my kids get whatever it is they beg for in the store once in a while.
• Let people do things for me, even if I know I can do it myself.
• Stay in my pajamas all day and don’t put on any makeup (gasp!) whenever I feel like it.
• Don’t clean the house for a day or two once in a while.
• Take the biggest slice of pie/pizza/cake/whatever once in a while – before all the men come into the kitchen.
• Roll down my car windows every time a Taylor Swift song is on the radio and force everyone else on the street to listen as I sing along.

I hope you’re inspired. I can’t wait to get started.